I Wrote a Letter…

"life i’ve been through has begun in a better road. after the road ive gone with her, i doubt i would ever go another road - im not safe"

New year has crawled in, new chapter of life is going to be written, more memories going to be remembered. Two-thousand-six has left so much scars and sweets, the ones are the end of the almost 3 years road ive gone with her, that ends just simply with words i never want to know, but did, then came GCSE exam, it was during May till June. I can still recalled, 1 day before english exam, we talked and it was so damn painful knowing the fact she likes someone else. but pins and needles, is time to let go what ive held so long, im not desperate enough, i know god still writting the story as it goes~* fate.

"time goes by, i surrender myself to constanst events that goes dull, and it fades"

Freedom of holiday, was cherished at first but as it goes longer and longer, misses and craving comes in. Met lotsa people ive missed during schools, and most of them have grown so much it changes everything, leaving only the memories still intact in their spongy red brain. Putera, Azrel, Ammar Gee, and suprisingly Farah.. hurm although didnt expect that to come tho.. with bad news i say. Sorry for the others that i didnt get to see, hopefully next time i come back, ill make a note to at least see each one of u guys. But as i sees the one i missed, new ones started i miss. Ive met lots of people with different attitude to show, but among them, there few that stands out. And among them, theres much more fewer that actually technically approached me instead of myself going to them. It suprised me, and it impressed me, and i attacted me to "them".
Please stop reading now, if you dont want to bored yourself with further inspection of what to comes

Its very interesting just talking to these people, it tells you thousand things but keep the rest alone. It lets it to be mysterious at the same time, keeping itself privacy - in purpose of searching respect from me, which they did tho i still will never know the rest since i have my limit. Every moon that comes out, theres the phone ringing. Among them was her, among them was him, but im not saying any particular ones everyone are equal. talk.talk.talk and knowing more. Interest me more, and its gettign more interetsing even till malaysia there still rings. And im back now. and it stops.

"i miss you guys, and the more it comes the more you go, the more you go, the more forgottens come"

This blog was only addressed to particular person for particular reason, you may know what im talking once you read it.Salam</b>

This lyrics says the rest of what i know
Billy Talent - Surrender

She reads a book from across the street,
Waiting for someone that she’ll never meet.
Talk over coffee for an hour or two,
She wonders why I’m always in a good mood.
Killin’ time before she struts her stuff,
She needs support and I’ve become the crutch.
She’ll never know how much she means to me.
I’d play the game but I’m the referee.

Surrender every word, every thought every sound.
Surrender every touch, every smile, every frown.
Surrender all the pain we’ve endured until now.
Surrender all the hope that I lost you have found.
Surrender yourself to me.

Even though I know what I’m lookin’ for,
She’s got a brick wall behind her door.
I’d travel time and confess to her,
But I’m afraid she’d shoot the messenger.

Surrender every word, every thought every sound.
Surrender every touch, every smile, every frown.
Surrender all the pain we’ve endured until now.
Surrender all the hope that I lost you have found.
Surrender yourself to me.

I think I found a flower in a field of weeds,
I think I found a flower in a field of weeds.
Searching until my hands bleed,
This flower don’t belong to me.

I think I found a flower in a field of weeds,
I think I found a flower in a field of weeds.
Searching until my hands bleed,
This flower don’t belong to me.
This flower don’t belong to me.
Why could she belong to me?

Every word, every thought every sound.
Every touch, every smile, every frown.
All the pain we’ve endured until now.
All the hope that I lost you have found.

Surrender every word, every thought every sound.
Surrender every touch, every smile, every frown.
Surrender all the pain we’ve endured until now.
Surrender all the hope that I lost you have found.
(Surrender) I never had the nerve to ask,
(Surrender) Has my moment come and passed?
(Surrender) I never had the nerve to ask,
(Surrender) Has my moment come and passed?
(Surrender) I never had the nerve to ask,
(Surrender) Has my moment come and passed?

(Surrender) I never had the nerve to ask.

you

i don;t know what i did or what have i done. but i am not hpapy with teh develpoment of the treatment i get. i am greedy, but that mean i bleed and breath just like you all, so dont make it as an issue, and try to rethink what you guys have gone through. do you think that you are hipocrit.. yes you all are, im sorry to say, ive got my limit and you pushed me to the edge. pftt.. so annoying, pissing me off so much with those people who just doesnt know at all of what they did.

"wait no more, tension took flight, when the paper comes, you stay for the right"

Exam is no more, GCSE has passed. It has become part of my 18 years 1 month of living in this world’s memories, (which also becomes among the event i dont want to repeat it again). What i got was:
A* | MFL
A  | Art
B  | Math, BM, Dt, ICT
C  | Eng, Literature (wow!)
No D, No E, No N/A!! that’s something i should be proud of. Eventhough it wasn’t the best and not as close as to what i hoped for, but its better than having an E in it. I aimed higher for my LIterature since i got it so much, putting all the poems, short stories and all those shits, but it was pretty satisfying to see the Pass grade on that subject, at least i proved Flynn wrong. Something weird happened to the overall LIterature result because almost all student suprisingly failed in that particular subject. SO i have my own reason to be proud (or shouldnt i?) Now i’m taking all the B’s subjects for my A level course=) That’s unfortunately without my Literature tho.

"life has gotten shorter, life has been a celebration, life has been a risk, life has been a religious, but that’s just the start of what life has for us"

Happy Birthday to Amal, Jasweed, and the others. Not to forget, Happy Advance Birthday to my lovely sis, Ely (aku tau lar, i wont tell any1 when issit.. pft..) but i wish you that life in your life will be blessed and cherished with joy and happiness. It’s been a "must-do-list" for me to give these people a gift, and its been years ive been giving people a drawing i made specialy for them. But only few poeple know how much this drawing meant to me, it means so much to me, it means almost everythng to me, it means life for me. Im giving my life to you. You wil kill me if i sees those paper flew away from your hand. Ehm.. when its your birthday?

"false tap came passes me, through my spongy brain, and its dragging for so long now"

3 month, before this 3 month i was gasping in the craze of ideas and creativity. Can’t stop my hand from tearing those paper apart with pencils and pen. But it wasn’t long for it to take to stop. And it stops. 3 month has passes by, and i still haven’t drawn anything except for one piece, a gift to Sarah (huhuh) she went tO Melbourne, Australia to continue her studies there. and it took me almost the whole night just to draw one single pic. Now i have to draw for Amal and one for Nadirah who ive promised for so long. (so so sorry) My deviatart has been all left empty, undisturbed and still. I got a friend called James who i took his commision to draw few stuff, but that was 3 month ago, and i still havent drawn even a single line. I can’t tell how long would this going to dragged on, cuz i see no ending of what im heading. Its like going along a road that is darken around it, as u sees the light at the end, but you never seems to reach it. So. Anyone wants me to draw anything?

"friends are my brothers and sisters, i cherish. Those new i meet, welcome to my family"

Havent heard any words from lys, thought might be her mobile is not with her i know. Dear at least Dydy got hers, the least i could do is to know what’s up and missed. Since day one, papers and books comes pouring in, leaving no space for me to breathe in like the old times. Coming poking, and nudging, ussually the victims are James, Ezzzy, Lys, Dydy, Ely, Yen, Nurul, Ran, etc. But now, only by the edge of 11, few words floating through before sleep sweep in. Regret compliment is what i could effort to do now, because its for my own good, for god sake, 6th form i am now! It suxx! Math been an ass.. being aside COmputing, Art, and Dt havent been bitch to me lately, blames on Math as i still cant understand a fuck of what the teachers is teaching except for "I’m not insulting you.." "duh yes your not, but you are now when you think you are!" *slam math book on table, give middle finger and walk away* (btw, i didnt say it, just thinking.. im still good boy heh). This weekend, maybe this or then, i need to meet few poeple.. those i just said i’m nt reapeating to get few updates of what’s happening to them, at least what’s happening now. Regarding the new students, their cool, but not when it comes to those few students which wasn’t as friendly as they look like. I guess it was kinda too early for them to show off the real them to me, and mistake no 1, Don’t show to me, mistake no 2, Don’t call me name, MIstake no 3, Sorry is a difficult word for you. In Art, Fizah, Mike, erhm and the otehr 2 whihc i regret not to write down their name-_-. In Computing, just plain ol’ Jordan, the Germany dude -cool dude and wait, the Car dude - KangFa, Camera dude - Red, Can-Log-In-Thru-Phone dude - Faz and one girl whihc yet i have not known the name. Math , hurm the Msian girl Miriam and the other girl (i forgot the name-_-), the Army dude - Shah, and the other 2 girls whihc i keep forgeting the name!!! (OMG!) Well, can’t wait to meet more new people. Are you new?

"Love me not, I’m not lovable anymore"

No i wont go back, Time, you will wait for me now. You had your time and you screwed it up , Time. For hell no i wont go back, so long and farewell Time.

Recomended Songs:
1. My Heart - Irwansyah & Acha Septriasa
2. Lullaby - Rezza (correct me if i’m wrong dydy)
3. Cubikated - Ferry Corsten
4. Seroja/Gadis Melayu - Jamal Abdillah
5. Kaamos - Apocalyptica
6. Memory of You/ First of Me/ Inside of You - Hoobastank
7. Ye qu - Jay Chou
8. For You - (still havent found out the singer, ask me in msn)
9. Querida (same as above, i dunno, is ezzy’s fault)

Love them, eventhough they can be the most annoying people in my life

-fir-

“I escaped from this formidable cage of demands, thou I am free, but I am never free from the reality of life”

16th June, the day i freed myself from the exam, papers, teachers, orals, those freakin bastards who demands more than i could have done for them. Mind you i only speaks what my mind have to offer, so ignorance is teh ebst way for you in order to further reading this piece of my mind. The exam was incredeously annoyance, far more greater than disturbance. Sleepless night, hanging papers of reminder, notes and guides of the exams. Metaphore, simile, great expectations, algerbaic, geomtrical, vectors, mole, fractional distilattion, aerobic, ventrical, gravitational potential, power, resistances, jigs, die cutting, pop art and excel and the infinite of informative cycle. English literature was teh first to come and i did all i coudl have done to speed up what ive been left on, reading, writting and just gone through all those packs. Math, heh, nevertheless equally as english, i could have done better, but those fucked up 2 last question ruined everything.
Ah well, i cant demand more than i have done because what i did was what i have to feed those examiners. Yes, im speaking senseless and unaware of the importance etc. but tell you what, im a human, 17 turning 18 this august, love to make friends and living a normal yet cmplciated life, this thing happend to human, to normal human being, the best creation of god, and i criticise those that feel they’re matured but in their mind, they’re just a ruthless creature with hipocritical brain. DT was still disturbing but not as much as ICT. Urgh, it does really fucked my brain out with those fucked up questions. He says READ THIS AND THAT, and when we al happily revise and got into the exam room and open up the paper, what did we see? Those god dammit out of nowhere questions which amazingly, we never learned the whole 3 freaking years. I might be the only one complaining about this so ignorance can be apply here.
The last 3 papers, Sciences, was okay but not teh best. I wanted the Higher papers, but teh teachers said is quite impposible and demand me *DEMAND ME!!!* to take foundation, and here i go, i did the best for all the 3 papers, getting the highets i could possibly get, eventhough i leanred the Higher sylabus. And on teh exam day, there were 3 student, 2 are from my class got the higher papers.. and i want to tell you this, not being egoistically or prasing myself or whatsoever, but i got higher than them quite a few times in all 3 sub-subjects. It got me all wonder why i was kept behind while they go tthe chance to do it. Yes indeed im complainig regarding something that impposible fo rme to turn back time. Well… like i said earlier, im just speaking my mind here, ignorance is acceptable.
Education is the air that we breath, without it we’re just those creature with a brain that only driven by emotions and nature, not inteligent and judgemental skills, but what’s the point if those educator tries to bring us down, recomending unnecessary things and needs. In my case, ive gone to him, asked him and talked to him regarding this subjects, but the reuslt i got form him is totaly opposite from what i would expect form a teacher who knew my grades havnt been toned down drop drastically. COMPLAINTS, i strictly remindng yourself, im COMPLAINING! and no more than just that word. Last but not least, Ive done my best for my Malay, Eng, Lit, Math C/N, ICT (bitch), and DT but Ive only done not even half of what i know for my science, and why it is taht? is because i are not allowed to do an exam that i am qualified even with such evidence of my maintanence on grades. And again, is my loss isnt it?

“It was those words you spoke to me that made me this way, but it was those honesty i demanded that broke all those promises”

Im not speaking to whom specifically or actual person, but to whoever that has the same “reality-dreams” as me. Have you ever says loveliest and sweetest words to people in order to make them feel better? have you ever promised them those time to be there fo them and to support them when they need you? I do admit i am one, but i do realized that we cant always count on this to ensure our relationship, as friends or lovers. When one promise you cant blame totally on them if they broke it after they have done so much for you previously. They were there when you broke up with you bf/gf, they were there when you’re frustrated with your parents, friends or (again) bf/gf, they were there when you feel like you wanted to eb loved and feeded with praisement and loving words. And one day, they didnt got online on the time they promised you always, and when they do, you act as he/she has done somethign unforgiven, begin to upset and dissapointed over them. Please, take a moment and step back, think again, is it necessary for such action? after all they have done for you, and now you can’t forget about it and instead of mumbling over it, say encouring and caring words, and treat them nicely because for them, you are important, you are their top priority, at least, make them feel one too. I know im not the only one who have the same experience because theres people who constantly demand for attention and love, while there’s people who constantly giving love to them and to force themselves gulping every blame into themselves in order to make the other happy.
They even sacrificed their time and recreational moment just to spend it with you and accompany you with your senseless and ruthless attention over something as silly as MOOD! So to you all people who’s reading this, i beg you to take one step back, look around, who is the people that being you friend and who is the people who being your companion. Did u do your part well as equal as they did to you? Think with those spongey red blood brain. Stop deciding something straight away without considering how important you are to them, who never even thought of hurt you even a slight blow of wind to you, so don’t before you lose it. Misunderstanding is the one you alwasy decide as the final choice, well, you are wrong…

“Life is like a journey, and for me my journey has gone into a maze of time sand”

2 more days, more accurately one more day before i meet lys and them. Havent got any drawings up to date except for those i drew for the birthday girls and for my girl. Havent been in creative mood this past few days and it is ruined with people ignorance and childish grumbles. Got this idea from DD about 3 person tied with chained conected to a wall. These 3 person is struggling themselves in order to reach the instruments of the artist, Skecthbook and Pencil. And herself as the person who having this instrument watching them struggling within those needs and obsession and forgetting who is the one that needed them. On the other hand, I have my own idea for the even of being apart with my classmates, by drawing everyone’s into cute version. Still havent started yet, but will soon. Prom night was great, wasn’t what i wanted but i accepted the fact since i took those decision. Havent got the chance to take photos with all my friend since i was in responsibles.
This isnt the safest place to say but i’m a malaysian and im proud to be one, and i keep what i want and i say what i want in regard for other’s feeling. I love my friends, and not getting the chance to have those memories onto a piece of photograph was really a big deal to me, and i hope this would be the last for my naive stupidty. I’m sorry Nick, Chebem, Ivan Lee, Ivan Ninan, Faiz, Angus, Dwayne, Airell, Abdullah, Simon, Sarathy, Sarah, Intan, Amal, Clare, Siaw Hui, Fatima, Larissa, Nithin, Joel, Jasveet, Ivan Mani, Farid, Faris, Arif, Paul, Chen, Adam, Nasir, Andrew, Chris, Nick, Michael, Anita, Farah, Fakhri, Ezmir, Vincent, Ritchie, Jasmine, Evelyn, Adeline, Nadirah, Brian, Fernando, Yuda, Hao Yen, Jackie, Ashley, Philip, Jennifer, and lastly Hasib *kari*. Im sorry if i missed out your name but shall you notified yourself that i addressing my apoligies to you.

For you guys, feed you ears with this song, would you recall all those memories…

“Graduation (Friends Forever)”

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we’re gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won’t be coming back
No more hanging out cause we’re on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don’t have another day
Cause we’re moving on and we can’t slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn’t know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We’d get so excited, we’d get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life’s not fair
And this is how it feels

[1] - As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won’t interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it’s not goodbye
Keep on thinking it’s a time to fly
And this is how it feels

[Repeat 1]

La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it’s like we’re women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us ’round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it’s not goodbye
Keep on thinking it’s a time to fly

Singer: Vitamin C
Song: Graduation (Friends Forever)

bye
1116
-fid-

Hello everyone

Well What can I say… Animal Creulty and me, a bad mix, And to be sent this video in an email… well it has set me on a misson I think

Now I for warn you, this video is not for the faint hearted or weak stomached, I cried watching it, as an animal owner, I felt rotton that anything like this could still go on in the world

This link that I will give only after telling you what it contains, shows images of how animals Die when being used for their fur, they are being beaten to the piont of submission, and then skint…ALIVE! Not only that, but after skinning they are left to die slowly and extremly painfully! I have started crying again even thinking on it!!

Now here is the link to the video [link]

I am NOT sending this to upset people, I am not posting this to make you feel ill, The reason I post this is the very same reason it was made, to try and put an end to this, The people who posted this video, sent a petition around, Looking for Five hundred names, But I feel that that in itself is not enough, so five hundred peole dont want it there, that would be laughed at, But what if Five million people where to turn against them? Why not more?

I am askin of EVERYONE who is my friend here, who Cares for animals here, to do as I have already done, To get onto your local media, to Give them a link to this address, We alone to not have to power to put pressure on this industry, but we together DO!

I know it is alot to ask, but I can not sit Idly by, Knowing this is happening, it makes me sick, I actually feel rather violent right now, and would like to give the guys who are doing t a taste of their own medicine

So please! I ask you to do this for me, even if it is just sending an email to your local paper, or television station, like a friend of mine did below
She’s from Deviantart and can be found here [link]
–

My name is Lorraine Scanlon, And I know this might sound odd, but I am Wrinting in regards to a Furring industry in China, I saw you recently did an Arctical on the News about the website Bebo, and how it is easy to spread porn on it.

Well, I think perhaps that it should be brought to light that that is not all that can be sent upon the internet, all I ever see in public brodcasts is the negativity of the World Wide webs resources, and I think it is high time that we show what it can do to help the world also

I know it might be a small thing, and I know I am waffling on and you possibly want me to come to the point so I will

[link]

This is a link to a video, it is showing how animals in China are being skint alive for the fur industry, it was sent to be via my Bebo account, As a dog owner and animal lover, I found it more then disturbing, and think that the Five hundred names asked for on the list is not enough, something like this should be made full public knowledge, and it should be put a stop to in whatever way it can be.

Now I know it is not our country, and not really our concern, but if we can ignore something like this, when we CAN do something to put a stop to it, then I think showing the people just how horrible this industry is WILL make a difference.

Though we might not be able to stop the Fur farm directly(though as you can well imagine I wanted to go there and stop them personally) At least this might show people just how sick and twisted it is, and ANY market for it, Well it would dry up, and any who after seeing this who would want to wear Fur, well I dont even want to think about what kind of people they are…

I do not know how much you can do about it, and I shall be calling Directly tomorrow morning, before I head into work about it, Considering how late I am sending it, as even if there is little you can do, I would hope you could dirrect me onto somewhere else that I might go to make this public

I DO believe this to be an Irish matter, I believe it to be a world wide matter, As with humans, Animal creulty should not be tolerated, and not for something as degenerate as assecorising, I think it sickening that any woould support it, Let alone big hollywood names(Jenifer Lopaz being one who activly wears Furs….) Perhaps it is because they have it in there minds that the animals dont go through any pain? I dont know, perhaps that is the misconception of many people, and Perhaps if the truth of it is brought to them, then the market would plumett and the Fur farms would have no choice but to close.

In the world as it stands, there is no place for such treatment, and I believe that it is the responsibility of EVERYONE to put a stop to this

I am also placing this on my Deviantart account [link] to bring fortha awareness to as many people as I can personally, this accounts is linked to people worldwide, and I will be asking them to do the same as I am doing, ie: Contact the Media and make it known

Thank you for your time in reading this, and I hope to hear from you soon(considering I am ringing in the morning I think that that is very likely)

Yours sincerly

Lorraine Scanlon

—————————————————————————————————————————————————–

So please, I’m begging you all out there to think and consider yourself a decent human with whatever faith and belief to stick together and stop this or at least to find a better and humane way towards animal treatement. I’m on it and I hope you guys are too. Assalamualaikum for the ones who answers. and Thank you for stopping by reading this eventhough you might just close this window and forget everything about this.

“those blood was mine, all the complexity was overloaded within my shallow vein, it vommited out inner sanity”

I’ve told you, wasn’t it within those reach. far from any of my greater perspective of my better life, all this dopes happened, crumbled all upon my strengthless body. it was just 2 days before my first paper, she was gone. life that i’ve lived for the 3 years with her now are fading away. i tried to grabbed it with me but only caught the pieces that are easily forgotten, those moments of beautifully framed by Almighty for Her greatest yet weakest creation. those seconds i remembered, those naive yet innocence happiness i shared. birthday by birthday we’ve gone through, valentines oh please don’t come again and told us how much it was so sweet being with her. pains and scar were done, tears and cries were heard, and hatred and scream was all once been commited and been regretted, but still now my naked eyes and my bloody heart still sees this everytime i talk with her. i hate myself god i hate so much i felt so guilty for this inner hatred guiltiess. it is because of me, (always) we’ve gone up and down and ended up in this hazzy empty pits of love. i can’t hate anyone, and i thank You for making me like this because at least those loves from the people who cares me would keep me alive. everytime those curses came across to me, how i wish that in her eyes she would remember those raw innocence time being together and just looking at the screen and just wish how would it be to be meeting each other, god that wasn’t what we had now, no more dear is far more than just an empty of ever lasting daydreaming. you have had seen it, and you will see it how long my breath for you will be taken, and it will never ends. god speed my love. it will never ends, that’s, with this memories i’ve hold for my recall with you. wishing i could get back those time, and cherish it again like we used too.

“why god create love that brings so much tormentation from needles and spears, and if its beautiful, why one never sees those first smiles as the greatest forgiveness”

june have come, 14 more days before i can suck those freedomness of air paticles into my black dopes lungs, filled with complexity of thoughts and feelings. 8 more days before her day comes by and recall those memories. 26 more days before i going to meet lysley and them. art has been my drugs, has been the only door i have opened and enters from my harsh stabbing life. i’ve drew much more less than i used to last year and those years. i’ve drew much more less of my emotions than i used to last year and those years. i’ve drew much more of those happiness i’ve seek from it compared to last year and those years, when paper was the canvas, not the exam. so, this time, i’m going to restore all those pieces that flew away by making an artbook. nothing more shall i tell you except that i’m glad that there’s certain individuals that has been so much love to be into this project. thank you.

“every nighte’ i’ve dream of you friend, each of you, and every nighte’ i pray to god and tell Her how grateful i am to have you friend, every morning i smiles gladly to know i’ve been given one more day to spend my time with you, friend”

that’s all i could tell how i feel this past few days. shall this informed you that life that i live now is no more or none are those story telling life. is too dull, and bold to be put into words, unless it is heared from a song.

Angels and Devils by Dishwalla.

this is the last time
that I’m ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time
- I will fall
into a place that fails us all
- inside

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I’m always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

this is the last time
that I’m ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see

still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I’m always gonna worry about the things that could break us

if I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I’m always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

Download the song: Angels and Devils - Dishwalla

with love to spares, thank you.
-fir-

Done
    I’ve finally done my old movie i made by myself on 2003 before i came to Brunei. It’s called Too Bad which stands for Tuah, Jebat, (i jz took the first and the last 2 alphabet). The movie is a about a remake of history that took place on present time. Me with few bunch of my hommies manage all the process by ourselves, and i’m not taking myself into credit because if it wasn’t their presences from the first bit of the film till the last scene they have been with me all along, there won’t be any movie.

Process
    It all first started when my brother made a short film with few of his buddies using our homecam, and it turned out quite imppressive and not that sor of typical film we ussually found in amatuer film. I admit I used the same concept and story based on their project, but it’s because it inspired me and i find it quite a thrill to try a new kind of art form, film making. From my observation and my first attempt on experimenting, I found few steps that are a "must" in every film making. Here are the steps:

1. brainstorming for ideas; story, concept, plays etc.
2. script writting
3. story board
4. actor/actress for the character
5. choice of set; background
6. film in progress
7. raw preview
8. brainstorming for additional ideas and cutting scene; new scene additional
9. editting

    Well, maybe it’s still not enough and lack of other advance steps but I prefer this steps because its probably the most basic step for a real film making.

Credit
    I would like to thanks all my hommies who has been with me all this times no matter how bad some scene ended up but the thought that we all had so much fun really push me forwards in finsihing this movie till the last bit of it. Below is the CD cover for this movie that I made from few artworks  I found in Deviantart

   
    Work in Progress
    I might probably going to start a new movie but I’m still not sure when will the film making is going to take place. Plus, the brainstorming isn’t in my mood yet, so it’ll take a while before i found few exciting ideas that i would like to share with you guys in here.

In Loving Memory
    As few of you might have know now that I’ve lost a bestfriend and our companion. Allahyarham Ahmad Shiham who used to be in my movie as one of the lead actor, Jebat, passed away on 18th February 2005. His absent has been a great lost to us, nor for the people who know him. From my experience with him in the film making, he will always be the one asking me to take a scene that he thinks wasn’t good enough for him which actually was good enough for us, me and my hommies. But his perfectionism on something he likes to do, actually pushes the whole people who involved in this film making from inside and outside on finishing every each of the scene successfully. Allahyarham, for me reflects a vision of a great actor,an artist, an idealist nor realist who always wanted to do something that’s challenging and at the same time, he would suggest ideas to make some scene more interesting that i always did use them, always. There’re the highest peak and there’re always the lowest ground whenever I’m with him because his attitude, behaviour and how he thinks always keep everything that’s surrounds him move. Unfortunely, allahyarham never had chance to see himself in the movie, till he passed away. Let us always remember him, and pray that he’s in peace out there, looking upon us. Al Fatehah  kawanku, kan ku selalu kenangi segala pahit maung suka duka kita bersama, Shiam.

Coming soon
I might include a link to a video clip I made in loving memory of him, Allahyarham Shiam. Insyallah.

  It seems so soon that the dreams faded, as it should be staying as we thought it should be. For a while is like plan that we’re going to put our sweat on it. To grab it as we’ve done with the books. 11th August 1988, date that i’ve forgotten when the dreams is still here, but remembered as it passed. A friend that I use to laugh together and to cry on each other. Never I suspect he’s done with this world thou he’s not for himself.

  yeah. A thought from my own robotic brain. Routine has dragged me away from remembering a memory that abandoned. Is like a modern mitos but without the dragon, without the iron shield knight, far away from imagining castle. Is just a tale of finger friends that lost a hero for all of us. For the one who knew. Ahmad Shiham the name he brings, or should i say ‘brought’. Is not a lifetime I knew him, but the memories left behind is greater than the earth itself. His wonders captivied the people around him, dragging me into the hyptonised column. He do what he should be done, and stranggled the one he doesn’t. Not the living but the objects, and not the things but the realm. My words is nothing to compare what is real and what is surely is.

  An essay can’t be interpret him. Ammar, Putera and Azrel, fingers friends togther with him. Once we’ve dream on giving birth of a band, Putera gitarist and backing vocal, Ammar , urhm…. something i guess while Azrel would be drummer and he for the bassist. But dreams still a dream, thou it continue but it’ll never be a perfect dream. I’ve written a song, that suppose to be for him, but hell iI hate to admit it, as he still here around with us. We miss you man.

So many reals and fakers,                                                                                 

For the dreams that we imagine,                                                                     

Columns is there, words is faded,                                                                                                         

Something is not there, would you drop by,

Prepared for somthing to blow your mind,

This is the beginning of dream, a dream that you should be seeing.

ehehehe sorry.. dat’s all the lyric i’ve done for this time… i kinda stop the song half way. Sorry guyz.. u can try to continue with ur own ideas. hahaha .. Peace!!!

okay, it’s been quite a time since i last post mine. This time, I want to spill some words about my best friend who passed away last year. He will be celebrating his birthday this 10th August. Ahmad Shiham. I used to called himShiam.. hahaha i don’t know why, maybe because is easier tocall hi.PLus, he didn’t mind calling by that name. We’ve gone through so many stuff togeher with other devils aka Ammar (yao, gee), putera (errr… dun ask) and Azrel (belon). Yeah, i got a poem. A short quick one. Kinda lame, but at least i did something.

So many roads, so many features,
So many resistence as we go on trials,
Left behind something important, never going to be change,
SOmething that will stay there as time passes,
It’ll stay be that way till we meet again.

Laughter and cries has vanished,
as it crafted on the tree of memories,
FOr the party we left,
For the party, you left.
Just let the dream stay here with us, we let you go,
But promise us that we keep it within our hand,
Clinching it, So it won’t fly again.
Dream shall never be forgotten thou the faces are gone.

~Shiam (miss you man)

I know this thing going to happen. Is matter of time till it happen to both of us. But, never do I expect it’ll done so soon without any pause or reason. Yes, reason.. there aren’t any presence of this neither from her, nor to the event that taken place that night.

Is bugging me so much, that maybe I could say this pain is formidable, and unforgiven. Is not like slitting your troat or your pure wrist, but is far more unachievable by human innocence imaginable mind. Innoence, on the other hand, is more about certain people. Mostly is depend on their action and decision. An act is taken without reason, an acceptable reason, and decison that took place without any further discussion from both side. Is not i’m trying to naive and childish, but is true, for human like us to feel towards this kind of path thinking.

I’ve been beside so many people, so many things and events. I’ve had so many pain and problems where many other do. Is from the point of differences and variety (bad way) that seperated us from others. I meant myself, and other people. Love is the one of the point that mostly bothered so many people. It’s almost can be call as the unvunerable problem that always going to be here in our atmosphere to haunts us. Is up to us to decide (beside innocent) to choose how we’re going to face it. Either bad path or the good path, or even both, which is kinda complicated if i explain it further more.

But hey, life is like this, and it will get worse century by century. just wait and see, maybe on 2020, the top 5 disease that kills poeple everyday is mental depression (etc. love).

For someone who is reading this, and know me more than a friend. Is not what you think it is. This is only the first page of my life, there are a lot more to discover here. But time decide it, without no reason they will. Love will never dissapear, they only lost in memories. I love you. Friend will always do, love will never be.